In a broader prospective, the 10 point program suggested by vgane ji sounds good but would not be easy to practice. we are still a long way away from surrogacy and adoption ( May be some of us would be ready to accept in Metros/or settled outside India). The average mentality of the TBs settled within in India is not that broad. The suggestion to marry of girls by 22-23 would also not seems to be practical as their studies will not be completed by that time. Most of the girls opts for PG and MBA or the like which takes them beyond 24-25 by the time they agrees for marriage. No parents would like to have age difference between the girl and boy for more than 3 years now a days. As such a well settled boy ( as every one would expect) would be difficult find for that age group girls. But again, we should begin some where, the sooner the better.
Another important factor comes to my mind which may be a reason for girls of our community to look elsewhere for partners, is the demands of dowry by parents of prospective grooms. We all know this but consider to ignore unfortunately. The demands begin with a decent marriage supplemented by demands of gold sovereigns, silver ornaments, other house hold items, cash, pattu pudavais and what not. It doesn't end once the marriage is over. Then the "Pandigais" start coming. Aadi, Diwali, Kaarthigai, Pongal fulfillment of the demands on such occasions are a real harassment. This issue was to be discussed with you Vgane ji last time, some how missed out. I have seen this happening in families near me. Along with motivating our girls to marry within the community, we should also address to the issues mentioned above so reduce its menace. Vganeji, we may also stick to our shodasha samskaras and ensure that they are being taken care of well in our house holds. Out of 16, very few(only those unavoidable) are being held in our community. The reasons may be the inability to find suitable ritwiks to conduct such rituals, the laxity of funds, and of course the man power and suitable place to conduct such type of functions. In case we take it as a challenge and offer community help, this could be checked to a great level. For example, Upanayanam now is not only a costly affair (in case want to conduct individually) but also requires a lot of physical efforts for making arrangements. To find out a suitable place for conducting this ritual is also is a major problem. We are organizing Samshti Upanayanam on annual basis to over come this difficulty and by Gods grace, it has be come a grand success so far. What I mean to say is we should make our children understand the importance of our culture, and its sanctity which will automatically guide them to understand the values of our community and would force them to stay within. In the Parashar Smruti it is said, "Just as a picture is painted with various colors, so the character of a person is formed by undergoing various samskaras." This way our ancestors realized the need of consciously guiding and molding the character of individuals, instead of letting them grow in a haphazard manner.
Another important factor comes to my mind which may be a reason for girls of our community to look elsewhere for partners, is the demands of dowry by parents of prospective grooms. We all know this but consider to ignore unfortunately. The demands begin with a decent marriage supplemented by demands of gold sovereigns, silver ornaments, other house hold items, cash, pattu pudavais and what not. It doesn't end once the marriage is over. Then the "Pandigais" start coming. Aadi, Diwali, Kaarthigai, Pongal fulfillment of the demands on such occasions are a real harassment. This issue was to be discussed with you Vgane ji last time, some how missed out. I have seen this happening in families near me. Along with motivating our girls to marry within the community, we should also address to the issues mentioned above so reduce its menace. Vganeji, we may also stick to our shodasha samskaras and ensure that they are being taken care of well in our house holds. Out of 16, very few(only those unavoidable) are being held in our community. The reasons may be the inability to find suitable ritwiks to conduct such rituals, the laxity of funds, and of course the man power and suitable place to conduct such type of functions. In case we take it as a challenge and offer community help, this could be checked to a great level. For example, Upanayanam now is not only a costly affair (in case want to conduct individually) but also requires a lot of physical efforts for making arrangements. To find out a suitable place for conducting this ritual is also is a major problem. We are organizing Samshti Upanayanam on annual basis to over come this difficulty and by Gods grace, it has be come a grand success so far. What I mean to say is we should make our children understand the importance of our culture, and its sanctity which will automatically guide them to understand the values of our community and would force them to stay within. In the Parashar Smruti it is said, "Just as a picture is painted with various colors, so the character of a person is formed by undergoing various samskaras." This way our ancestors realized the need of consciously guiding and molding the character of individuals, instead of letting them grow in a haphazard manner.